Achoo! Watch out people, you may somehow catch my germs through your computer and be paralyzed by Swine Flu at any time soon if the hype in the media is too be believed.
Never since the Spice Girls reformed for a reunion tour has there been such media hype over such a minor issue.
I actually went to Mexico a few weeks ago and when I returned my Dad was like "Wow, have you heard about all this Swine Flu stuff? It's all kicking off apparently, you better be careful". That's strange, I thought, nothing seemed to be going on when I was there (although my mind didn't slightly wander to when I pulled a pig one night and its possible repercussions).
The papers screamed "global pandemic..the New Black Death..one in three people will have it by the end of the year". One in three? The same amount of people have cancer for crying out loud, and that really IS deadly.
So what can we expect when we all succumb to the all engulfing Swine Flu? Well, apparently you may have the flu for three days and then recover. Hold on, so I get three days sick off work and I will completely recover. Oh my God, this is the biggest disaster this century! Forget HIV and those thousands starving in Africa, if I get swine flu I will be getting paid not to go to work! How will I possibly cope with this!
We have been getting leaflets through the post from the NHS on how to stop germs spreading. Use a tissue apparently. Oh right, thats interesting because when I normally sneeze I just do it on my hand, and then go up to the nearest person I can find and smear my hand all over their face, all with a smile of course. Other advice includes "Do not go to Mexico and mix with large groups of Mexican people". Honestly, who on earth is getting paid to write such ridiculous articles in the paper?
The other day on the news they had a hilarious news item where they were filming a journey of a swine flu vaccine from one part of the country to another. Absolutely ludicrous. Who cares about whats going on in Zimbabwe when we can follow this excitement 24/7 instead?
If we were to believe what we read in the paper, the body count in the UK could be reaching Rambo style proportions very soon. A quick look at the death count in the UK so far reads a massive....ZERO. So in a few months, if the media is to be believed, we can all look forward to the whole country going into meltdown with the devastation of the Black Plague being brought back into the 21st Century
Pigs might fly................
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