A few weeks ago, I had to do what all guys do at some point and take one for the team. A trip with a lady to the cinema to see a film of her choice, whether I liked it or not. Let’s face it, we have all been there (I know one guy who had to go and see Hairspray a while back. Poor bastard). However, this time, I had heard a lot about Benjamin Button, I had seen all the rave reviews and noted that it had been put forward for a whole host of Oscar nominations. This won’t be so bad I thought, perhaps I might actually get some enjoyment out of it and see one of the finest pieces of cinema this year. I DON’T THINK SO. What followed was one of the most horrific times of my life, a mind-numbing three hours of dross which I will never get back. The premise of the story seemed quite interesting, a man who was born old and aged backwards, thus turning into a little boy by the end of the film, intriguing and just plain wrong all at the same time. Plenty of scope you would think to touch upon of life’s most challenging issues. WRONG. Instead we were not faced with a classic Forrest Gump tale but with an old guy, less catchphrases and definitely less humour. The typical girl from the city falls in love with hometown guy, doesn’t realise she loves him etc moves on, then changes her mind(oooooh how exciting)....blah blah blah. Possibly more predictable than a porn movie featuring a Dutch plumber and a dodgy washing machine.I think Brad Pitt is a top actor, but I am simply not sure why he signed up for this garbage, when there must have been plenty of other scripts on offer. I fell asleep about 4-5 times during the film (unknown to the girl at the time). I recommend that any guy who goes to watch this movie arranges to take a conveniently timed phone call and then secretly nip off for a couple of cheeky pints at the local. Come back at the end of the film, cos you will have figured out what would have happened anyway. I felt absolutely nothing for the characters in the film, the plot was nonexistent, the schmaltz level was borderline sickening and the persistent voiceovers were more annoying than going back to a girl’s house and realising that you are out of condoms, and she is hornier than a Gary Glitter in a Thai kindergarten school. Benjamin Button might have aged backwards, but having watched this absolute nonsense, I felt as though I had aged 50 years. Now wouldn’t that have been curious or possibly not. Thank you very much Mr Fincher, who would have thought you were the man responsible for Fight Club and Se7en.
(Note – I also never saw that girl again, so I didn’t even get my reward for taking one for the team. To sum up in a one word review...... AVOID)
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